Somehow, I'm not sure how this is possible, but our dogs have inherited our horrible luck. I have two theories, everybody in our interactions has no critical thinking skills or listening abilities, or......we can't communicate whatsoever. Because I communicate for a living (I'm a therapist, terrifying, I know), and I can't be bad at communicating, I will choose to take no responsibility and just blame it on everyone else (isn't denial grand)! With that excellent intro, I will now share the beginning of the literal s**t show of getting our dogs prepared for the move to Spain.
Rabies Shots and Microchipping
One of the necessary steps of getting your dogs approved for overseas travel to Spain is getting a European-approved tracking microchip and having an up-to-date rabies shot. Now, if you have stayed up-to-date on your dog's shots, you will be fine; however, we have not (I know we suck). If, however, you are like us, our dogs' rabies vaccines, etc., have all expired. If the shots are expired, you must get the rabies shot at least 21 days before moving. The other piece is you have to get the rabies shot after your dog is microchipped ( not sure why maybe so they don't get rabies from the microchip?). The other option is buying your own scanner for the American microchip and bring it with you and scan it for the border authorities, but they are around $250 minimum. We figured it would be cheaper, and they will need it anyways if they get lost in Spain, so let's get them microchipped. This is where the fun begins.
If you have been reading The Visa Saga, you would know we are currently closing on our house to sell. Our ruggedly handsome male protagonist Johnny has quit working and will be able to do all the nitty-gritty stuff, much to my relief. The only problem with Johnny taking over duties is that he somehow still has faith in people doing their jobs, unlike me, who gave that up 7000 documents ago and doesn't interrogate everyone to make sure they did what they actually said they did. With that in mind, I will discuss how everything went wrong while at the Vet. Here is the USDA link for traveling pets https://www.aphis.usda.gov/aphis/pet-travel/by-country/eu/pettravel-spain
Assume No One Checks Anything And Knows Nothing, And You Should Be Fine!
Johnny called the dog's Vet and explained everything we were going to need and confirm that they would be able to provide: USDA Vet, ISO microchip, etc. Luckily they have all the things we need, and Johnny made an appointment for the pups! Buckle up, cause here we go!! Johnny goes to the Vet by our house and apparently scheduled it with the wrong location, but no worries, they can transfer all the info to this location and see the dogs today! Yay!! A few hours later, Johnny comes home and informs me it was more than we expected, but everything is good to go. How much, you ask? Apparently $1000, so $700 more than I was expecting. It's okay, though, because it looks like they got the dogs' shots totally up-to-date, heartworm medication, and made sure they were healthy with blood tests, etc.
I review all the paperwork and don't see anything about microchipping on the bill. Johnny insists he told the Vet that the microchip was our main priority and that he confirmed once they were done that they had chipped them. This is where Johnny's faith in humans became an issue. If you follow the rule of the heading above, you kindly review the paperwork, see that they didn't understand anything that was communicated and didn't check to see what we needed, and without sounding patronizing as much as humanly possible, tell them they didn't do anything and argue back and forth for a few minutes before they understand. As my jaded self did not go, this step was missed.
Johnny calls the next day, and guess what they never put the microchips in! To top it off, the rabies vaccine has to be done before the microchip, so we have to redo the rabies vaccine after they are chipped (it specifically says we have to do this on the site). They inform Johnny that they don't have any appointments, and this is the area where my love knows how to shine (not taking crap and getting stuff handled). He explains to the Vet that they will see him today, will not charge him, and do the things they were supposed to do originally. Apparently, they told Johnny that they saw that the dogs were microchipped already (the American one), and instead of asking, they assumed that's what we meant. Even though Johnny clarified that we needed a European chip multiple times.
So here is when the sh***y part begins. After the first round of shots, our poor Whiskey had been having pretty decent diarrhea (which we were told is not due to the shots), but is definitely due to the shots because (remember no one has critical thinking skills), he got shots, then started crapping everywhere...what a coincidence! So at this point, my concern is that Whiskey is already sick and is about to get another rabies shot and will likely get sicker.
Let's set the scene. Johnny brings both dogs back to the Vet the next day. As the story was told to me, this is how the events of the day played out. Johnny gets to the Vet, and they take the two dogs without confirming what they need and don't come back for a while. The dogs come back out, and Johnny is told they were finally chipped with apparently the correct chip (I still need to google it to make sure). Below I will reenact the first-hand account of the ridiculousness we deal with, so you can see I'm not exaggerating.
Johnny: "Did you give them another rabies shot?"
Oblivious Vet Tech: "they don't need another rabies shot."
Johnny: "Yeah, they have to have another rabies shot because the chip has to be before the shot." Since you didn't chip them yesterday, which was the whole point, it needs to be redone with the shot coming after the implanting of the chip.
Oblivious Vet Tech: "we've never heard of that before."
Johnny: "I don't care if that doesn't seem right to you, but you have to do another rabies shot unless it would make the dogs sick. I'm not going to go home and have my wife yell at me, and you're not going to cost me $1000s of dollars because we get turned away when flying with our dogs because it wasn't done right."
Oblivious Vet Tech: "It's only been 1 day."
Johnny: "Yes, but that's not BEFORE the chip, so the paperwork will show that it wasn't done in the right order, so we need it redone, so the paperwork shows it is done in the right order."
By the way, I don't yell at Johnny; I just ask him a million questions and kindly ask him with confusion why things aren't done the way they were asked. Anyways, they tell Johnny the dogs will not get sick from getting a second rabies shot, give them the shot, and release them to Johnny. Suddenly, completely unrelated to getting the shot, at the Vet in the middle of an unnamed pet store, Whiskey, as Johnny described, had poop explode from his butt all over the store. As a reminder, Whiskey is our large dog that's the size of a Great Dane, so it wasn't a little poop. Instead of leaping into action, the Vet people want to keep ringing Johnny up for his purchase. Johnny asks for a towel they tell him to wait until they are done. He went into the grooming section and asked them for towels; they look at him confused and hand him 5 paper towels ahhhhhhh. Somehow he manages to get all the poop cleaned up while holding the two dogs and not letting anyone slip on it and returns home.
Johnny returns home and explains the whole thing, and I laugh (not helpful) and thank him for all of his patience as I probably would have left the poop all over the store. I know I sound like a massive a**hole, but I swear I'm nice. These are what I call my inside thoughts, so people don't know I think like an a**hole. While we are talking, Whiskey lays down in the tiled living room, and the next thing we know, there is poop all over the floor. By this point, I am so irritated with the Vet because they said it wouldn't make Whiskey sick, and obviously, that wasn't true. Although apparently, I'm the only one who sees this, as my dear sweet Johnny doesn't believe it was the shots because the vets said it wouldn't make him sick ahhhhhh. Cause and effect people!!! Anyways we take care of the poor, ill pup, and he seems to be feeling better. Now, this is where I'm not going to say I was wrong, but I can say Johnny was right...Before bed, Johnny wanted to keep Whiskey gated in the living room to make sure he didn't poop on anything. I told him not to worry about it because Whiskey knows better than to poop on anything...
The following day we are awoken to our 3-year-old at 6:30 am asking for his game (we give our son a tablet to watch in bed so we can keep sleeping, parenting at its finest). I whisper to Jackson to ask his dad, which he does, and Johnny gets up to walk downstairs to get the game, and I hear "TIFFANY!!! WHISKEY S**T EVERYWHERE." In my head, I'm like, "it's probably not everywhere, and it's probably on the tile downstairs on the tile, and it's no big deal." Let's just say I wasn't wrong again? I walk out of the bedroom and see that down the hallway, in the guest bedroom, and down the stairs, there is a trail of giant piles of poop! Johnny, who also wears contacts and can't see in the morning, happened to step in the enormous pile while going down the stairs, which is not funny, I was told after I started laughing.
We had just had our carpets cleaned to sell the house too, so oops. Obviously, Johnny is frustrated at this point, as he reminded me numerous times that he warned me about this last night...so after a while of we will call it grumbling, I'm starting to get annoyed because it is what it is. We just need to clean it up...so now I'm grumbling, "I get it, okay. I didn't listen to you; you were right. I was wrong; here's your medal." This is when the most magical thing happens. I look at him, not thinking, and say," Can we not let this ruin the whole day. I mean, shit happens." ahahahahaha I entirely lose it laughing because I crack myself up while Johnny looks up at me with this look like he could kill me which makes me laugh more. I mean, he knows who he married.
Throughout all of this, our 3-year-old is also potty training and says he needs to poop on the floor like Whiskey, haha, and we are running him to the bathroom while trying to clean the poop that is everywhere. Johnny is less grumbly and starts to explain how he didn't see the poop because he was blind this morning, and it was so gross. I, of course, compassionately look at him and say, "Love, I'm sorry that's really shitty,' ahaha. Fortunately, that one got him, and we both started cracking up and finished cleaning the poop. Johnny goes off to take a shower, but before he does, he wants to let off one last he was right; I was the wrong statement.
If you know me, you will know I have this adorable habit of making songs about things when I'm uncomfortable (not how Johnny would describe it, haha). Years ago, when Jackson was going through months of his own apoopalypse, I made a song, which I now felt was the perfect time to jump around the room with Jackson singing. One day, I will maybe take a video so you can fully experience it, but for now, I will just share the lyrics with you. I call it Poop and Throwup
Poop and Throwup
By: Tiffany Libby
Poop and throw up everywhere
Sometimes it's even in your hair
But guess what I don't care
If there's poop and throw up everywhere
By the third time singing this, Johnny stopped the grumbling and joined us in our jumping and singing around the room! The rest of the day was filled with Pendleton pooping in Jackson's room, and Jackson pooping himself 2 times. I think they planned it, to destabilize us and take over! Currently, we are sitting in our poop-smelling house, hoping to get a professional carpet cleaner to help clean the carpet better. Also, our poor Whiskey, who is feeling better finally, is permanently on the s**t list, hahaha. I hope you have learned from our harrowing tail that even when your plans take a big dump on you, anything is possible with some laughter and dogmatic resolve! I couldn't not throw in some last poop jokes.
In our next chapters, we will add to the Dog Saga- setting up the pet moving company, and The Visa Saga- financial forms and finally turning in the Application. Stay tuned, my loyal readers, because the adventures have just begun.
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